It was just another hot summer day and the head mistress was on her second round of the school when I felt special. It wasn't the first time in my life that something or someone had made me feel like I wasn't part of the crowd. There had been at least a hundred occasions before that particular day when I had felt like I was different but still that day holds a high spot when it comes to life changing events in my life.
So the head mistress comes to our classroom and she interrupts our lesson and asks a bunch of questions from a bunch of kids. I'm one of those kids and she looks somewhat proudly at me and tells me that I'm going to be a board topper three years later when we will be expected to sit for our 8th grade board exams. She goes on about how it would be a great honor for our newly built school and how she has high expectations from me. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It made me feel so special. My teachers always made me feel very special. I was the "genius" in every class I have ever attended.
Later that day, when I'm doing my homework, I tell my mother about how our head mistress has high expectations of me and to my horror, my mother starts crying. I ask her why is she crying and she wipes the tears, holds me in her arms and asks me why do I like studying? I'm an eleven year old girl who can't possibly understand what she means by that question so I give her whatever good student answer comes to my mind. I've started getting a little uncomfortable from the way she is looking at me and I'm still wondering why is she crying when I've clearly told her something she should be proud of.
She let's go of me, asks me to sit and then sits across from me, looking directly into my eyes. I'm more uncomfortable now. She starts by telling me about my cousin who was a very smart girl but lived in a village. She tells me my cousin still faces episodes of psychological trauma because she wanted to study beyond 8th grade but there was no separate school for girls in their village. To continue studying beyond 8th grade, she would have to go to another village with her elder brother and study in a boys school. My mother tells me that my uncle didn't allow my cousin to study beyond 8th grade for that reason. She explains that girls studying too much is looked bad upon in my paternal relatives and despite my dad being a little more open minded than my uncle and us living in the third largest city of the country, I would still not get a chance to study beyond 10th grade.
I am shocked. I freeze there in horror because even though I have always known a little bit about my cousin, I cannot imagine my uncle forcing her to quit education or my dad possibly telling me to stay home after a few years. My dad loves me and my mom knows that. He also knows I'm always "first position holder" in my class. Why would he want me to ever quit my education? This is beyond me and I refuse to believe that. My mother starts crying again and this time I'm more worried about my education than her tears. A few minutes pass like this, neither of us says anything. She wipes her tears again and explains that my dad wants me to study "science" in matriculation (9th and 10th grade) but my family will never allow me to go to a college or continue studying science. In my country, there is a distant learning system for "arts" and my mother explains that after matriculation, I would stay home and study arts on my own at home if I like but there is no hope of me ever joining a college or a university so I should not love my studies as much as I do now. She tells me I should pay less attention to education and more to household chores. She tells me she is proud of me for being good at studies but in the long run it won't matter much and since she doesn't want to see me hurt or suffering later, she wants me to be mentally prepared to quit my education when my dad and my paternal relatives insist.
I sit there, frozen in my chair, and think about ways to save my education.
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So the head mistress comes to our classroom and she interrupts our lesson and asks a bunch of questions from a bunch of kids. I'm one of those kids and she looks somewhat proudly at me and tells me that I'm going to be a board topper three years later when we will be expected to sit for our 8th grade board exams. She goes on about how it would be a great honor for our newly built school and how she has high expectations from me. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It made me feel so special. My teachers always made me feel very special. I was the "genius" in every class I have ever attended.
Later that day, when I'm doing my homework, I tell my mother about how our head mistress has high expectations of me and to my horror, my mother starts crying. I ask her why is she crying and she wipes the tears, holds me in her arms and asks me why do I like studying? I'm an eleven year old girl who can't possibly understand what she means by that question so I give her whatever good student answer comes to my mind. I've started getting a little uncomfortable from the way she is looking at me and I'm still wondering why is she crying when I've clearly told her something she should be proud of.
She let's go of me, asks me to sit and then sits across from me, looking directly into my eyes. I'm more uncomfortable now. She starts by telling me about my cousin who was a very smart girl but lived in a village. She tells me my cousin still faces episodes of psychological trauma because she wanted to study beyond 8th grade but there was no separate school for girls in their village. To continue studying beyond 8th grade, she would have to go to another village with her elder brother and study in a boys school. My mother tells me that my uncle didn't allow my cousin to study beyond 8th grade for that reason. She explains that girls studying too much is looked bad upon in my paternal relatives and despite my dad being a little more open minded than my uncle and us living in the third largest city of the country, I would still not get a chance to study beyond 10th grade.
I am shocked. I freeze there in horror because even though I have always known a little bit about my cousin, I cannot imagine my uncle forcing her to quit education or my dad possibly telling me to stay home after a few years. My dad loves me and my mom knows that. He also knows I'm always "first position holder" in my class. Why would he want me to ever quit my education? This is beyond me and I refuse to believe that. My mother starts crying again and this time I'm more worried about my education than her tears. A few minutes pass like this, neither of us says anything. She wipes her tears again and explains that my dad wants me to study "science" in matriculation (9th and 10th grade) but my family will never allow me to go to a college or continue studying science. In my country, there is a distant learning system for "arts" and my mother explains that after matriculation, I would stay home and study arts on my own at home if I like but there is no hope of me ever joining a college or a university so I should not love my studies as much as I do now. She tells me I should pay less attention to education and more to household chores. She tells me she is proud of me for being good at studies but in the long run it won't matter much and since she doesn't want to see me hurt or suffering later, she wants me to be mentally prepared to quit my education when my dad and my paternal relatives insist.
I sit there, frozen in my chair, and think about ways to save my education.
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